thats a good one
A little humor to brighten everyones day via Tracey
Body: > One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room
> to check it out.> He opened the door to see his mom bent over the
> dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave
> him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.> > After business was
> finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom
> door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at
> it behind her.>
>> Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'> > Little Johnny
> replied, 'It's not so funny when its your mom is it?!'>
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Central Warriors. Respect the past,embrace the future
thats a good one
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funniest thing I've heard all day
Need A Penny? Take A Penny...Need 2 Pennies? Get A Job!!!
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A grade school teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
"That was good," said the teacher, "but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate' not 'fascinating'."
Sally raised her hand and said, "My family wento to see rock City and I was fascinated."
"Well, that was good, Sally," said the teacher, "but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. Finally, she decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said: "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
Lots of Little Johnny jokes
Little Johnny's 3rd grade class is having "What My Daddy Does" day at school. It comes time for the kids to recite their father's occupations. Little Billy says "My daddy is a cop he keeps people safe. Little Karen says "My daddy is a doctor. He heals people.
It comes Johnny's time (Johnny had a habit of being vulgar, but the teacher figured surely there was no way he could do this one naughty)
"That's nothing. My daddy eats lightbulbs."
"Your daddy eats lightbulbs?" the stunned teacher said
"Yep. I heard him tell mommy the other night "Turn that light out, and i'll eat that thing" [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]
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Central Warriors. Respect the past,embrace the future
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" The dad answered, " Your mom".
Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."
A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "what are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards." The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?" Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"
"To be the man, you've got to beat the man."
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny, what's your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.
While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Johnny both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Johnny replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Johnny: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Johnny: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Johnny: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Johnny: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong....."
"Freedom is not free, it requires great sacrafice. The price is paid in blood."
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go." Johnny was MAD.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go." Johnny was even MADDER than before.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go." Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these b itches would keep their mouths shut." The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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